Life decisions are tough! When you have been in a career for more than 25 years the decision to leave is not easy. Time to get real with my emotions and road blocks. For 26 years I have worked for essentially one company. There was a detour for 5 years yet the detour was essentially the same thing.
Coming to terms with me. I am a loyal guy to a fault. Even when things hurt me I stay, for I see that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Really, I am just scared to find out what is on the other side of the fence. I will say one thing externally, yet internally I am scared so I don’t move. It is the inside that I must change.
For the past 5 years I have felt compelled to change my inner feeling from scared to it’s ok things will be fine. Yet… that hasn’t happened. I love doing voice acting but it too has not been enough to move me out of my fear. So what will it take?
This question is very pertinent. I don’t have an answer to it or maybe I do and I am not willing to believe it. The fact is I am feeling increasingly at odds with myself. I want to pursue but stop myself for fear. I have a client base and make good money doing this as a professional. My loyalty is one thing my obstinate fear of leaving a job that feeds my family keeps a roof over our heads and gives me family vacation is another.
Pros and Cons;
Pros on working for myself full time is I get to work for myself full time. I get to create a daily work life that complements my desired family life. I get to control things.
Cons, I get to control things. To understand what I mean is that I do not have total faith in myself to do this. The mistakes that I have made in the past haunt me to the point where I feel this is folly. Which is non sense because my achievements far outweigh my mistakes. Somehow I don’t feel that inside. My head says one thing my heart another.
What to do? Speak out and seek help. That is what I am doing because if I don’t I will never get to realize my dream. The pull that I feel is a scary force and one that leaves me feeling heavy. Most days I walk around feeling good and outwardly to the world I look fine. If you had the ability to look past that happy exterior you would be shocked at the ripping and tearing going on inside.
It is a feeling that has movement. There is an anchor point which is my current job. On the other side is a runner or athlete that is sprinting hard away from the anchor. In between is a rubber band. The rubber band stretches and as it stretches it hurts. Somedays the runner makes it far, other days not so far. The expanding and contracting causes fissures in the rubber band. Those little tears hurt! When the band contracts the heaviness returns. This usually happens after an event where the runner feels elated and has taken new strides. With each new stride when the heaviness returns it is heavier.
At one point one of two things will happen, the heaviness will win out and I will abandon my dream or the rubber band will snap as the fissures in the fiber will tear completely and the runner will run on. I am hoping and working toward the latter being the case. For all of you in this situation or similar ones you are not alone. I have been voicing for 22 years and the rubber band is still not broken.
I as an optimist says that the band will finally break and when it does my dream for my life will not only be fulfilled but the true glory of being me will be realized.